explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
