I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
