so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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