how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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