Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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