And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
