Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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