The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
