Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
