i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
