I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
