I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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