; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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