I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
