why didn't you poke me back
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
