I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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