He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
