Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
