could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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