Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
