Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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