i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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