Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
