this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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