I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just pynch a tree in the face
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
