you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
