i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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