I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
