Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
