Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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