So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
