How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
