I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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