I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
