she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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