I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
