Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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