its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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