this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
