i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
