So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
