my mouth tastes like poor choices
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
