i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
