Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Girls should come with a carfax report
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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