well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
