Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
