Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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