i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
