Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
