Only a mothe r could love this liver
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
