im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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