the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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