Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
