genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
