I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
