I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
