I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
