Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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