I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize