I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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