we have pet lesbian snakes
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
