im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
