Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
