Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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