Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
