i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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