Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
