yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
