I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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