Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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