i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
