Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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