Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
