are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
