So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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