she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
