Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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