her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize